I like Hawai’i. I was there. We took a cruise, so admittedly I may not have gotten the fully “authentic” experience, but in my defense each port call we rented a car and proceeded to circumnavigate each island. I can therefore confirm that there are chickens all over the islands, and not just in places where tourists are likely to pose with said chickens. If I later update this article it will be to put in a picture of Hawai’i that I may or may not have taken with a camera.
There’s plenty to do in Hawai’i. Once you’ve driven around whatever island you’re on clockwise, you can drive around the island counterclockwise. After that three hours is spent, you can partake in the wide variety of Chinese, Japanese, and Korean restaurants. I actually don’t recommend the Korean ones. We went into one by accident when we were looking for a good ole’ fashioned American Chinese Restaurant (They look so similar!), and I wound up ordering some strange sort of vegetable. When I accosted my Korean friend some months later and asked her to identify it, I got no answers. I still wonder about this†.
Seriousely, Hawai’i is a really nice place. I love the weather. I love the beaches. I love the women. I love the forests. I love the whole world (not really‡).
But the best part about Hawai’i? Their crazy people are totally cooler.
Around where I live (alright, I’ll admit it: I live on the east coast. There. I narrowed it down for you internet stalkers to about a 100 million people for ya), the crazy people are pretty ordinary. Dressed often too warmly for the climate, walking around with a limp, staring at you with one eye and whatever demon might be coming at them today with the other. They don’t do anything much exciting. But in Hawai’i, let me tell ya, they got class. One guy? Walking around with a top hat. Apparently his cane, however, had gotten posessed. I like the ones that live on beaches.
Ed. Note: This whole post just got a little too wrong and I apologize. My point was I saw a guy walking around in a top hat and I thought it was cool, if a little sad. He seemed happy, though. We may now move on with our lives.
*I was originally going to name this post “Hawai’i,” but that seemed boring and undescriptive.
†It was so strange. It looked, felt, and acted all noodly and slimy and such, but then when I bit it, it crunched! I know, weird, right? Must be mutated from the nuclear programs over there.
‡Fuck you, parts north of the Tropic of Cancer.¥
¥I love America. But I can’t handle more than about two seasons. Four is way too many.
