Face of Evil sighting in the wild!

Very recently, I was in Connecticut. Mysteriousely, I also found myself simultaneously bored. So, like any intreped soul, I soon found myself at the illustrious, amazing, and entirely cool…

P.T. Barnum Museum!

Now, with all the cool things to do in Connecticut, one may wonder why I went to the museum. For me, the P.T. Barnum Museum isn’t so much as a learning experience as it is a pilgrimage. You see, when I was but a small lad, I had been brought to the museum. While there I had, as I am wont to do, wandered off. And, while wandering, I had come across a room full of dead animals. But one of these animals, in particular, had caught my attention. It was a parrot.

As I am, occasionally, a plaque-reader, I read the plaque. It said:
“Polly. Known for his insatiable appetite for crackers.”
This was a moment for me. Polly had long been a force in my life, representing a steareotypical parrot and the desires of such a parrot. And now, I had met him. Admittedly, he was behind glass, but I had discovered that Polly had been someone! Polly was not just the creation of the media!

Well, sorta.

You see, for those that don’t know, Phineas Taylor Barnum gets a museum because he’s the Barnum of Ringling Bros. and Barnum and Bailey. P.T. Barnum was the world’s original best showman. Although he started as a general store manager, he soon was running the American Museum.

Also, at this point, I’d like to take a moment to apologize for the quality of the pictures. Although I could easily find better pictures online, I took these pictures myself in the museum, which you aren’t supposed to do, so that makes me a cool badass. Plus, it doesn’t make the figi mermaid look worse.

So that’s all why I went on back to the Barnum museum. It was an interesting experience. I was the only one there this particular Friday afternoon near closing time. I learned a lot. I won’t bore you with that, though. Mostly, I’ll bore you with my cool blury pictures.

Barnum, because I forgot to sneak this photo in earlier:

Barnum’s SWEET digs. He had elephants plow his fields:

I learned Barnum was into S&M. Can’t hold that against him:

And someday, when I’m awesome, I’m gonna have a chair just like this:

Except made of soy or something. I’m not mean to tusked animals.

So that was the P.T. Barnum museum. I recommend it. They also have these cool $5 miniature tea cups in the gift shop. And, uh, tea cups are cool because girlfriends like them. ‘Til next time.

Although dad worked on nuclear reactors, I am referring to the following:

Atomic Golf Balls

Holy shit, batman! Atomic golf balls? Really? I mean, I know 1951 was the age of the atomic bomb and the atomic car and the atomic comb, but is this the best way to go about this?

I’m guessing this was really a plot to kill off the Russians during the next international golf tournament.

Also, BoingBoing will probably cover this later, which is totally unfair, ‘cause I called dibs.

I just realized today that lab coats have long sleaves.

What’s in it?

Possiblities:
-Coffee
-Tea
-Latté
-Lattè, the former’s gramatically incorrect (though equally as delicious) cousin
-Water
-Mind control juice
-Dead baby juice
-Orange juice
-Nothing (there is no juice!)
-Microphone
-Camera #7
-Snapple!
-Pepsi Products
-Fuck you, Coca Cola.
-Emergency cyanide capsule

See next week’s articles on What’s in Jon Stewart’s Desk?, What Does Jon Stewart Write?, What Do Those Blue Sheets Say?, and What Hair Cair Products Does Jon Stewart Utilize?